I’m being creepy as I type this, watching you sleep. I know you hate that. I want to thank you for the peace you’ve given me. It was tough telling you that I needed to make a huge change in my career to be happy with myself again. I realize now that it was tough telling you that because it was tough for me to actually say it out loud. I desperately needed to be perfect and okay in every way.
So when we first moved from Texas to North Carolina, day after day I fell apart inside. I felt like a horrible person because I knew that chasing dreams would essentially change our family structure. At least temporarily. But for me even temporarily made me feel like I was being a horrible wife to you. It also made me feel like I was failing our daughter as a mom.
So every time you asked me what would make me happy and I said I don’t know, it was because I was wondering how my big change would affect us all. What made me even more sad was all the weight I would put on you.
The day I finally broke down and told you I wanted to start my own business and you said, do it! “This is a great time and a great place to start.” I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. When you went to work I cried most of the day because I felt so free. I think what made things even more emotional for me is that you were willing to carry a load we hadn’t talked about you carrying, just so I can be happy.
The way you raced against the clock to get the baby back in daycare so that I could attend my first conference as a business owner, was magical!
So I thank you for this new found inner peace. I thank you for believing me in. I thank you for constantly reminding me that I don’t need to “fit in” holes to be successful. Simply because I stand out naturally. I thank you for letting me know that just because you become a parent, dreams don’t have to stop. I thank you for being an amazing dad to our daughter. I’m proud to be on this journey with you.
Above it all, I thank you for “pumping blood” back into my veins. At times i’m even more afraid than I was before but because of you, I realize that i’ve found my purpose. The picture below is the result of it. Because of you i’m going to continue to push through. My number 1 goal is to take care of you and our daughter.
One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love. ~ Sophocles